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Discovering My Purpose: A Journey of Self-Reflection and Awakening

          From a young age, I harbored an insatiable desire to embark on a meaningful mission. This notion, reminiscent of a heroic ideal, fueled my aspirations, even though I was often clueless about the nature of this mission. In my early 20s, I found myself unconsciously following the societal script. As expected, I lost myself, unsure of who I truly am. Meanwhile, my authentic self-struggled to surface from time to time. I attempted to be conscious, aiming for high awareness. Ironically, becoming conscious didn't offer comfort either. The heightened awareness also brought torment, burdened by self-expectations. Throughout my entire 20s, one thing I did wrong was running away from pain and not knowing which path to follow.

 

          The traditional pursuit of a job, a stable salary, and marriage left me with a sense of emptiness. In my late 20s, a profound yearning to comprehend my true self and the purpose of my existence emerged. I started questioning my identity and life's purpose, propelling me into a quest. I immersed myself in books like "The 7 Habits" by Stephen Covey, "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari," and "The 5 a.m. Club" by Robin Sharma, "Standing on the Giant's Shoulder" by Tony Robbins, and "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. These literary companions played a pivotal role in guiding me toward the purpose I sought.

 

          These books served as beacons, guiding me toward the right path and nudging me to choose consciousness. As I delved deeper into my inner turmoil, I understood the significance of remaining true to my authentic self. Despite being labeled a rebel or an outcast within my family, I staunchly resisted conforming to societal expectations that contradicted my personal values. Carl Jung's words struck a chord, underscoring that loneliness arises not from a lack of people but from an inability to express what is essential to oneself.

 

          I came to realize that genuine connection originates from within—a deep understanding of one's thoughts, feelings, and values. The journey to establish this connection can be daunting, often causing individuals to shy away from confronting the darkness within. Loneliness, a sense of being stuck, and feelings of being lost become widespread when one cannot communicate their profound experiences or values to others nor in society.

 

          At a certain juncture, I found myself on the brink of succumbing to societal norms, questioning whether life held any intrinsic meaning beyond the conventional milestones of a stable job, marriage, and having children. In my state of discouragement, success, money and build a family seemed lacking in meaning, leading to a period of diminished motivation. 

I found myself caught in a cycle of seeking excitement through unhealthy habit like excessive gaming, watching drama, and insatiable craving for external excitement and validation.  The more I immersed myself in these activities, the more profound my feelings of loneliness and loss become.  It spiraled into a vortex of negative consequences impact both my mental and physical well-being. 

 

          Until… a pivotal moment changed my life. One night, fueled by anger, I poured out all my thoughts in writing. Stuck in this perpetual state, I yearned to break free from the chains. If given a chance to exchange, I desired a meaningful life rather than merely following society's expectations. I refused to live a robotic existence dictated by societal standards, where I had no knowledge of my identity or direction. I craved a purposeful life, wanting to understand why I am here and not somewhere else. What's the point of depleting nature to feed my stomach without knowing the purpose of my daily actions? The realities presented to me seemed devoid of meaning.

 

           On the day I finally allowed myself to break free, all these realities shattered like fragile pieces. In that moment, a familiar voice surfaced during the journaling of my angry emotions. It proclaimed, "It is a loop. You are living in the loop." The words echoed, and as I reread what I had written, it struck me—this emotional state, these sentiments, seemed eerily familiar. It was a loop, and the realization hit me like lightning. I abruptly stopped writing, pushed away from the writting table, my eyes widening in shock. It was hard to believe, but there it was—I had been living in a loop, unconsciously subjecting myself to the same emotions and conditions repeatedly. Ever since that day, my perspective shifted and began to distinguish between my higher self and lower self. 

 

          Embracing this newfound awareness, I committed time each day to introspection, allowing myself thoughts to spill onto paper.  As time passed, I cultivated a connection with my higher self, gaining valuable insights into the meaning and purpose of my life.  through this journey, I discovered my role as a conduit for conscious words and become dedicated to sharing these contents with the world. 

 

          This website functions as a platform to explore the profound questions and context of the communication to higher self.  The decision to embark on this path was driven by the realizations, that I have been documented on numerous scattered papers, as it might resonate with others in search of life’s purpose.  My hope is that, by sharing my journey, I can offer encouragement to fellow seekers navigating their path of self-discovery and exploring the meaning of life through interaction. 

 

           In times of doubt, pain, and loss, remember:  It’s okay. Keep going. 

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